The Kinyodas Gazette - Special

March 13, 2005

Lightning discovered to be God's smiting weapon of choice!

According to sources close to the almighty, Lightning was discovered to be God's smiting and amusement weapon of choice. God was quoted as saying, "Although I routinely use heart attacks, strokes, and cancer... there's nothing like a good jolt to really fuck with their minds! When you hit them with lightning, they really don't have anyone to blame except me for why it happened! And man do I love the (Oh why God, why me!)'s, boy do they crack me up!" God went on to explain that with heart attacks and cancer, there is usually a good reason behind the ailments, but that getting fried from the inside-out could happen to anyone, rich, poor, healthy, or even a homeless paraplegic! "One time this lunatic was about to slice into his victim with a chainsaw out in some shack, all of a sudden, as the officer approached to save the day, I got him good with about 300 Kilovolts of pure fun! So why would I kill the police officer instead of the lunatic? Well, let's just say that I work in mysterious ways, hahahahaha! Who's the crazy one now, ya know? What, you guys don't have a sense of humor? I did create you all in my image. Ok, Inverview over!"

Posted by Reese at 09:05 AM | Comments (0)