The Kinyodas Gazette - Law

March 06, 2005

Chicago Man Stunned After Attempts to Infect Police

A Chicago man died after police used a stun gun to subdue him. Apparently the man was trying to bite officers and give them HIV. Still, this story does not shock me on any level... more and more stun gun deaths seem to surface, because electricity kills. Remember the quote, kids? "Don't monkey around power lines!" Well, thanks to local law enforcement, if you monkey around too much, the power lines come to you!

Posted by Spicolli' at 08:49 AM | Comments (0)

February 03, 2005

Results and Hangover

OK so I watched the speech online on C-SPAN. Some background, my former roomate with the dogs once accused me of masturbating to C-SPAN, of course I wasn't, but it just happened to be on when I was done watching porn. Really. Anyway in the two years since I've watched TV with any regularity I've always happened to see the live coverage of the ceremonial opening of the British Parlement. So it was watching the tiny screen that chyron made me expect to see Black Rod walking down the statuary hall past Ethan Allen, Robert La Follette, Sequoyah and Daniel Webster, their images showing none of the horror they would likely have had were they still alive.

'Gee,' I thought 'the speech isn't started yet and I'm already lost in revery' once the game starts things are really going to flow.

It started kinda slow. I only had about 6 shots until about minute 40. This meant that I had to be be relatively sober by throughout the big whoppers on Social Security. Ditto for the Democrats making that noise the opposition party makes in Britain and for when the President smirked 'I will listen to anyone who has a good idea to offer.' I have to admit that I'm glad I'll have the image of Bill Frist doing a little bouncy move as the president asked that his nominees be brought to a floor vote. I was kinda thinking I should have changed the rules of the game while watching Terrence Jeffrey commenting giddily beforehand that tonight Bush is going to promise to abolish all of the government but the Departments of Defense and Justice. But then we reached the "War On Terror©" portion of the speech. My shaking hand could hardly pour fast enough.

The last thing I remember was him saying 'Right now, Americans in uniform are serving at posts across the world, often taking great risks on my orders.' Did he really say that? This is the sort of thing said by him that is dividing this country. Half the people think it's heroic and inspiring, half the people think it's hypocritical, hubristic and imperial. This is a man whose handlers have, to the best of my knowledge, kept him away from anyone who will say anything negative to him almost perfectly except for the sending guys to face bullets.

All I can say is I'm glad I added that 'take a drink of water' rule or I would not be here now writing this. Here are the results:

  • Freedom: 27
  • Liberty: 8
  • Billion: 2
  • Mission: 2
  • Terror: 16
  • Biblical Allusion 1(?: Baby Boom Generation as Prodigal Son, anyone got any others?)
  • John Kerry: 5

P.S. Rebuttal chat: Is it just me or could you hear singing in the next room during this thing? If so was it, as I think, 'Tomorrow Belongs to Me ?'

Posted by Spicolli' at 04:47 AM | TrackBack