The Kinyodas Gazette - Technology

Local Porn Legend Talks Technology

By Reese

Published May 1, 2005 10:46 AM


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Bunkie, La. - Fred Pakenham, local pornography expert, former adult entertainer, and owner of "Orifice Depot", the town's only novelty and porn shop, sat down to reminisce about his long career with The Kinyodas Gazette's own Mike Um. "Yup, with all of the advancements in science, computers, and technology over the years, I believe that the adult entertainment and novelty industry has driven most of them.", said Fred as he sat back in his office, an AVN lifetime achievement award dominating a crammed trophy case. "Take the movies, why I worked with D.W. Gonad. A lot of people will tell you that The Jazz Singer[1927] was the first talkie. Hogwash! It was Gonad's The Fist of a Nation[1926]. I was at the first screening. When Douglas Fullpants crammed his hand to the wrist into Greta Gobble, in full synchronized sound I thought the whole place was going to cum right then and there. It was a moment seldom equaled until the advent of video."

Pakenham's tale of innovation doesn't stop at adult films. "Do you think we would have had so many small gadgets and varieties of rubber and plastic if not for dildos? Basically in the early days they were made of asbestos and had motors the size of rooms. They were hard to clean, brittle and a fire hazard. Why a fire caused by one of Edison's early butt-plugs leveled downtown Cleveland in 1912. This is to say nothing of the death dealing sex dolls whose wooden trusses would snap and impale the poor schmuck."

Pakenham credits military intelligence for solving these problems. "People think that the technology is developed before it's used in sex toys. Balderdash! The ideas frequently existed before the technology. A lot of work in this area was started by the Americans during World War II. The details are a little sketchy, but their seems to have been a plan to sneak inflatable mustached sex dolls into the bunks of the Germans, to embarrass them and reduce morale. This project code-named Operation Holmes was a watershed producing most of the underlying lightweight motors and the chemical breakthroughs that make modern clear gel double dongs possible."


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