Article Tools

Home
Printer Version
Screen Version

Lightning discovered to be God's smiting weapon of choice!

By Reese

Published March 13, 2005 09:05 AM

According to sources close to the almighty, Lightning was discovered to be God's smiting and amusement weapon of choice. God was quoted as saying, "Although I routinely use heart attacks, strokes, and cancer... there's nothing like a good jolt to really fuck with their minds! When you hit them with lightning, they really don't have anyone to blame except me for why it happened! And man do I love the (Oh why God, why me!)'s, boy do they crack me up!" God went on to explain that with heart attacks and cancer, there is usually a good reason behind the ailments, but that getting fried from the inside-out could happen to anyone, rich, poor, healthy, or even a homeless paraplegic! "One time this lunatic was about to slice into his victim with a chainsaw out in some shack, all of a sudden, as the officer approached to save the day, I got him good with about 300 Kilovolts of pure fun! So why would I kill the police officer instead of the lunatic? Well, let's just say that I work in mysterious ways, hahahahaha! Who's the crazy one now, ya know? What, you guys don't have a sense of humor? I did create you all in my image. Ok, Inverview over!"